You know what really bugs me?

Posted by Ben R.

People. People bug me. That's ok though, I can be tolerant. I can mostly deal with the various negatives that come with being a part of a society. There is one group of people, however, who really need a good telling off. These people, are old people.

These people, many of them living well over 70 years, have survived wars, depressions and Rick Astley. They have experienced highs and lows that we have not, and have seen more of life than some of us ever will. Then why is it, after seeing and experiencing what a good 70 decades of what this planet has to offer, are they obsessed with their gardens?

Sure, people want their gardens to look good, but when your biggest thrill is receiving a permit for a SECOND green waste bin, you know that your time is almost up; and who the hell goes through TWO GREEN BINS worth of plant waste every fortnight? What the hell are these old people growing in their back gardens? Vines imbued with a super serum, needing to be trimmed less they take over the world?

It's not only the second green bin permits, it's the time and effort that is put into their gardens. These people are old, and yet they're out in the street, sweeping the footpath of the entire neighbourhood, or scrubbing the birdbath free of pigeon poo, when they should be relaxing. Sitting back with a nice cup of tea, reminiscing about the 'good ol' days' (apparently one of the first things to go as you age is your grammar).

What really, really gets me, is the excuses made by some of these elderly citizens in order to justify them breaking the water restrictions, in order to keep their pampered poarches alive. I kid you not, this is one of the excuses I have heard:

"I refuse to let my garden die. If I don't keep it alive, there won't be any trees left for the next generation".

You know what I think the next generation would really appreciate being left for them: WATER!

It's not only their obsessive gardening that gets to me, but their blatant refusal to update their technology. Next time you walk into an old person's house, have a look around. Guaranteed their most up-to-date equipment is from the 1980's. Why is this? Do they think that by having outdated technology, they are somehow staying stagnant in time, not aging? Do they think that by having older appliances they will be spared from the war that results from the eventual rise of the machines? Even if they do, what chance does humanity got? They can't reproduce, their parts are all shrivelled up.

At least the human race will be remembered for having nice gardens though.